9 05 2010

HE’S SO FUCKING SICK. I’m so close to just telling. I hate him so much. My mom would be soooo mad though. So mad. I can’t live with this secret anymore. I can’t live with cutting myself to keep the secret in. I want to die.



9 05 2010

There’s this guy here named Sam and I’m kind of in love with him.

But other than that things suck. I hurt too fucking bad.

Taking away the pain with more pain.

25 04 2010

I actually kind of like it here. I cut myself yesterday, I was remembering a lot of bad stuff. Some of it got onto my sheets and one of the older girls in my dorm found it. She went and told some of the advisors and they weren’t even mad about it. One of them named Julia who is in charge of dealing with kids that SI and she just talked to me. She asked why I did it. I couldn’t really tell her because people don’t know but I don’t know she kinda got it. She said that if I wanted her to see my arm she would look at it but she’d never make me because she doesn’t want me to feel defined by one thing I do. I didn’t show her. I might someday though. She said that I wasn’t crazy, I was just in pain. She asked if I wanted a hug. I didn’t take it, I don’t touch people, but just knowing that someone cares enough, it feels good.

Hey guys

24 04 2010

I’m Sophie. I don’t really know what else to say. Michelle’s making me do this.

I got here a few days ago. At this school for messed up kids. I came here with a fucked up life and a fucked up body to show for it. It’s OK here I guess. It’s outside for a lot of it so that’s cool I guess. I don’t have to see my stepdad that much anymore. There’s a pretty decent soccer team. I’m good at soccer. Some of the kids here are alright. I don’t really talk though. I’m still pissed I’m here. My dad and Caroline took me here. Mom and Jesse don’t even care enough. They didn’t even come. All my mom cares about is her new life, not me. I was pissed. Caroline said they took me here cuz they love me. I think it’s cuz Emmy found some of my dope and it was the last straw or whatever. At the end of the day I really don’t give a shit. I’ll be dead eventually.

Happy Michelle?

Little me.

24 04 2010
Me when I was two... I could have been anything

I found this picture a couple days before I left home. In it I’m two. No one had hurt me yet. I still had two more years. I could have been anything. That little girl, so full of potential. Did anyone know that in 13 years she’d try to kill herself, try to cut and drug and starve away all the pain? Innocence is one of those things that never lasts. That girl hadn’t met her stepfather yet. She had two more years of childhood.